People who suffer from a Narcissistic Personality Disorder don’t know how to behave in intimate relationships. They lack empathy and understanding for other people and in the process of neglecting and manipulating their partners, they think only about themselves.
It’s not that they are incapable of feeling love, they are incapable of loving anyone but themselves. Their love for themselves is so above everything else and it makes them manipulate their victims into doing what they want and how they want it.
Being trapped in a narcissist’s grasp can destroy you and it’s almost impossible to break free from it. You are a victim of mind control andmanipulation. You are being brainwashed and your confidence and self-love are crushed into dust—they don’t exist. That is, in fact, how they keep you under their control. They crush you to be able to rule you.
They destroy you completely, making you think that you don’t deserve anything else. They make you think that you are lucky to have them in your life because they made you believe no one would ever love you, that you are unlovable and completely hideous.
You’ll keep praying for the pain to go away and for him to stop, to shut up. You’ll burn inside, but your face will be calm. Cold. Blank.
Narcissistic relationships change you. They change who you’ve been. Those people tear you down and crush you from the inside. They rebuild you into the person they want by their side, not you. You are just a casual victim whom they don’t give a shit about. Your feelings don’t matter because to them. You are not a human being. To them, you are a little insignificant nobody.
That changes you from the core. Even when you get away from him, you will never be the same again. You will try to bring joy back into your life and in the beginning, it’s going to be excruciating.
You’ll wish you’d never been born. You’ll curse the day you met him.
1. Projection of negative feelings
It’s a defense mechanism to protect themselves. They will project their negative feelings onto you and they will put the blame on you which will make you feel like crap when instead, it’s them who have to feel that way. But, they will manipulate you into thinking that it was your fault and you have to feel bad about something they have done.
In the end, you’ll find yourself apologizing for something you haven’t done. This turns into a serious problem because a narcissist can’t accept he was wrong. He can’t accept that he is not flawless and that from time to time, he can make a mistake. That’s why he needs you to project his negative feelings, too. He needs to feel innocent and he needs you to feel guilty. He will do this by any means necessary. He’ll be hurtful and cruel because in the end, he really doesn’t care about you or your feelings at all.
He will find something wrong in everything you do. No matter how hard you try, he will ruin it and crap all over everything you’ve done so far. If you did everything he has asked you to do, and he can’t complain because he has got no reason for saying anything, he will change the rules. He will walk all over what he has said earlier and set you up with a new set of rules which are almost impossible, just so you will fail and feel bad about it.
He will put you in a situation where you work hard, so he could approve of you. Unfortunately, you are seeking his validation and approval. But his constant criticism will take its toll. Constant nagging will leave a scar on you. You will feel anxious and depressed because nothing you do seems to be good enough. Your self-esteem falls faster than the speed of light and as it decreases, the chances you’re going to be more submissive to him are bigger.
The thing is by criticizing you all the time, he is diverting you from all the good things you’ve done and making you focus on just the bad ones which makes you feel bad and obsessed with thinking about why can’t you succeed in anything.
He will try to isolate you from the rest of the world because, believe it or not, he is scared. He is scared that you are going to leave him, that he is going to lose his victim. He won’t have anybody to drain and that’s what will destroy him. If he doesn’t have anyone to suck the energy from, like an emotional vampire, he will perish.
They want to be the only ones who can have any influence on your life, so they can control you. They will cut you off from your friends and family, so you don’t get the chance to hear the truth or a few words of support and advice. Apart from the getting you as far away as possible from the people you love, they will try to control where you’re going, with whom you are going, how much money you’re spending and for what. Your life will basically become a prison in the open.
4. Changing the subject
When you’ve had enough and if you sober up even for a minute, you’ll see things for what they are. Maybe you’ve just had enough and you want to confront him. Somehow, you get all the courage and strength to do it, but what does he do? He plays the victim and brings out a completely different subject and punishes you for something that you’ve done 3 months ago. This is what they do all the time.
He will blame you or point out a mistake you did a long time ago and it’s not just coincidental. He’s been keeping that for times just like this, for times when he hasn’t got any other way out but to bring out your past mistakes to make you feel like you’re the abuser and he is the victim. And of course, he never mentioned it before now. He didn’t mention it three months ago because he knew he was going to need it some other time.
He will use cruel jokes to hurt you, but of course, they are going to be masqueraded as harmless jokes. So if you get angry, he will make it look like you are overreacting and there is no reason to get mad or get hurt because he was only joking. But the real motive behind it is never to tease you. It’s exactly what you think it is—it’s to hurt you.
He will use a patronizing tone with you to humiliate you even more. He will act like you’re a child, you are incapable of doing things for yourself and you need him to show everything to you.
It’s hard to stay strong and resist everything narcissists are capable of doing to you. They are extremely dangerous and their disease can destroy you if you let it. You have to stay strong, believe in yourself and believe in what you’re doing because it’s right. Don’t let him mess up your mind because if you surrender, you won’t be able to bounce back so easily.